I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
