It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
