oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
