His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
