Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
