she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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