He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
