So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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