evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
