that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
