I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
