Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we still banned from the library?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
