Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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