Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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