dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I supernannyed him into submission
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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