hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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