distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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