Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize