Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
