Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
