Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
