I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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