i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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