Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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