You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
