So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
