When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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