I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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