Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
