I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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