Please, let me fuck your mom
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
