the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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