we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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