Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
