Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
