I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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