I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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