hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
