whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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