He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
