found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
