oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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