No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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