Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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