you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
