My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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