I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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