just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want her autograph on my taint
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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