No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
