my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
